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Humour
in Uniform
21st Century Miranda Rights
-
You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect
to run away from me.
- Should
you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down
to the ends of the earth.
- You
have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should
he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed
by the court to jog along with you.
- If
while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware
that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and
may continue his pursuit of you in full stride.
- You
may stop running at any time, at your own risk.
- Good
luck. On your mark, get set....GO!!!!!
The Imposter 
Irish Officer : "We arrested this man beating the living daylights out of some poor slob for no reason at all! What should we charge him with?"
Desk Sergeant: "Impersonating an Officer."
Repeat Service
| A
police officer pulled a young woman over for speeding
and politely asked to see her license. "Why don't you
cops get your act together," she said in a huff. "Yesterday
you take my license away, and now today you expect me
to show it to you!" |
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Still Very Much Alive
Three
highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with
narcotics dealers and go to heaven.
God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket,
and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what
would you like to hear them say about you?
The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I
was the bravest cop on the force."
The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that
I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty."
The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look,
He's Moving!"
The Drunken Truth 
A
man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards
further he's stopped by a police officer.
Officer:
"Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken driving.
Would you please blow into this machine?".
Man:
"I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that
machine I will get out of air".
Officer:
"Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood
test."
Man:
"I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle
in me I will bleed to death".
Officer:
"Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white
line". Man: "Can't do that either."
Officer:
"Why not?"
Man:
"Because I'm dead drunk!"
The Dog Service
The
Australian police department, famous for its superior canine
(K-9) unit, was somewhat taken back by a recent incident.
Returning
home from work a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked
and burgled. She telephoned the police at once and reported
the crime.
The
police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels and a
K9 unit patrolling nearby was the first on the scene.
As
the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash
the blonde ran out onto the porch, clapped a hand to her head
and moaned, 'I come home from work to find all my possessions
stolen, I call the police for help, and what do they do? They
send a blind policeman!'
Editor's
note: Finding decent police jokes is the most stressful job
in the Commonwealth. So, please spare a thought and make an
attempt even if pathetic at smiling.
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